The Glow Up: I Became the Woman I Wanted to Be By Accident

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The Glow Up:I became the woman I wanted to be by accident.

Image: @LaMusaDeLasFlores

Glow up: a term used to describe a drastic transformation in a person.

At 26 I finally reached that sought after “Glow Up” moment. I’m not speaking of the physical kind of glow up that’s trending on social media (boy am I glad the 10 year challenge pictures are over). However, I am speaking of a more important kind of glow up, an internal one. All it took was hitting rock bottom, no big deal.

If you had told me back in November I needed my heart broken in order to become a better version of myself I wouldn’t have believed you. I would’ve probably told you to keep my better version because I didn’t want it and that it was impossible to grow from such pain. But here I am 6 months later telling you otherwise. Here’s the thing about life: the only way to get to know yourself, be better, grow and find the answers you must first fail. There is no way around it. When your heart has been broken, when your knees hit the ground and you feel like this is the end, know that it is the end. The end of an old you and the beginning of a better you. 

This transformation process wasn’t easy, but from my experience these are the main keys to it : 

  1. Acceptance: First things first, you must accept that this heartbreak/ failure is happening and there’s no avoiding it. The quicker you accept it and allow yourself to grow from it instead of drowning yourself in it, the quicker you’ll move on. For me, acceptance was the hardest part of the process. I had to accept the idea that the future I had imagined was no longer a thing. I had to accept I was no longer the same woman, I had lost a part of me during this heartbreak/failure. I had to accept that every detail in my life had changed. It was absolutely terrifying but as I later discovered, not the worst thing in the world. What seemed like the end of the world turned out to be life giving me a new opportunity. A new blank canvas and I’m able to paint it as I wish, that is liberating. 

  2. Healing: you must allow yourself to feel all of your emotions, yes theres no avoiding all the painful ones. Understand where they are coming from and why. Once you feel all your feelings then you can start healing by forgiving others and yourself. Forgiveness is an act of self love. Even if the person who hurt you doesn’t deserve your forgiveness, you must forgive them anyway for your own mental health and healing. It isn’t about them, it is about you. When you don’t forgive you are only hurting yourself. Most importantly forgive yourself for making mistakes, for feeling guilt, for having bad thoughts about yourself, for not being kind to yourself and all the other things going through your head that aren’t healthy. Let them go, allow yourself to be free from it all. I discovered through the healing process how powerful our minds can be. I didn’t realize that by not forgiving and constantly thinking about what could’ve been done differently I had put myself in a cage. Of course I had the key to let myself out of that cage but I didn’t realize it until I started forgiving and letting go.

3. Prioritizing yourself: this one seems obvious but we often neglect it, I sure did. It was imperative that I took the time out to put my emotions, thoughts and health first above anyone else’s. During this part of the process I found myself reading many books that uplifted my mood and opened my mind, helping me figure out the things I could be doing better. I distanced myself from friends when I needed to because sometimes that’s just what you need and I also was vulnerable when I needed to be with others because other times that’s also what you need. I took a week off and traveled to a place I found peaceful, this helped me get my thoughts together, it was almost like hitting a reset button. I started working out because I noticed it lifted up my mood, I started focusing on eating better because it helped me think clearer. I took many strolls by the park by myself, binged a lot of shows when my mind couldn’t think anymore. I slept A LOT, something I constantly deprive myself of. I cried many nights, and it was cleansing. I meditated when I found my heart restless. I did whatever it took to make myself a priority. 

Now I look back and I am thankful for this process. I discovered many parts of me I didn’t know existed. I found confidence. Perhaps the hardest lesson I learned was that my happiness and my life are all in my own hands. They never belonged in someone else’s  hands because it was never their responsibility. By giving others that power I ended up where I was: disappointed and hurt. This realization was frightening. It is so much easier to blame others when we are unhappy or things don’t go right rather than taking responsibility, but it is also the most liberating feeling to know you have full control. No one can take that away from you. Pain is a super power if you use it wisely. I experienced the worst and came out strong from it, I am not afraid to try the things that scare me any longer because now I know I can always pick myself up. 

Glow ups can happen at any age and any time and they usually happen more than once in a lifetime. Every time you’re faced with a heart break/failure and you find yourself hitting rock bottom just remember this is the end. The end you needed for a new beginning you didn’t know was there. I became the woman I had always wanted to be by accident, all it took was life breaking me down so I could build myself from scratch. Embrace the pain, it’s only making you stronger.