Breakup Survival Guide
Most people have been through it. One day you’re sitting next to your significant other watching TV and laughing and the next you’re in your room alone, ugly crying and feeling like you’re alone in the world. You wouldn’t have in a million years have expected to find yourself in this moment and now here you are. Breakups suck, but they suck even more when you’re not the one that made the decision. Either way, no one really ever tells you just how much it will hurt. They can’t, pain is different for every single person and what feels like absolute death to you may not have been so bad to another person. Even if they were able to describe it to you, your pain will feel like it’s the worst pain in the history of breakups. You forget about the fact that you have felt terrible pain like this before and that you will be okay in the long-run. Because it is so hard to understand and navigate the stages of a breakup and because I believe in turning negative situations into positives; I have created a breakup survival guide just for you. Take this guide lightly as I am speaking only from my own experiences. The only piece of advice that I can give you that I know will work is to trust what the universe has in store for you and take it one day at a time, you WILL be okay.
Take a day or two (three if you need) just to cry
It is so important to feel ALL of your feelings. Holding your tears back will only make you hurt for longer. You should not be ashamed to let it all out and just cry, sob, scream or lay still. Whether you’re just thinking about the good moments or you simply miss the person you love, there is nothing wrong with getting in touch with your feelings. It is okay to miss this person. It is okay to wish that they would just come back. It is okay to reach out to them and tell them. The more open you are with yourself about your feelings, the easier it will be to grow from them. After you have taken the time that you feel is enough to deal with the emotional aspect of the breakup and make peace with the fact that it is now up to you to pick up your pieces and build yourself up, you can begin the healing process.
2. Understand that it will get better
You will have good days, you will have bad days and you will have what feels like terrible days. Some days you’ll wake up feeling as if you’re ready to take on the world and others you’ll wake up feeling as if the walls are closing in on you and you will never be okay again. Healing is like riding a roller coaster of emotions. You can’t suddenly stop it when you’re speeding downhill. Actively reminding yourself of the positive aspects of change and trusting the plan that is in store for you are the most important things you need to remember to believe the fact that you will get to see the day where you wake up and you ARE okay after all. Patience is key.
3. Surround yourself with loved ones
Once you’ve spent as much alone time as you need and have explored all of your emotions, it will be time to do the complete opposite and begin to surround yourself with your loved ones and make yourself busy. These are the people that have been there through all the stages, understand your need to be alone and are there when you’re ready for them to be there. Remember the plans you made with your best friend but never got around to do? This is the time to fill up your schedule as much as you can. The more things you experience the less time you will spend dwelling and missing the person that is no longer around you all the time. This may sound as if you are simply masking what’s going on, but it’s not. The time spent with your loved ones is the time that will make you truly realize that you don’t need anyone in your life that doesn’t want to be there. Trust me on this one.
4. Talk to a stranger
This is by far my favorite of all. We all have the designated people that we run to when something goes wrong. We trust their advice blindly, we trust them to listen to us and to validate our feelings. These are the people that truly care about us. The thing with these amazing people is that they want us to be happy and they want to make our pain stop immediately. They most likely want to hurt the person that is causing us pain. “Forget him/her, you just have to think about yourself and be happy” “Let him/her go and move on” “You’re better off anyway” are some of the things that they might say. They have the best intentions, you shouldn’t doubt that for a second, but the expectations that our loved ones have when we are in pain aren’t always realistic. The reason why I found that talking to a stranger helps, is because you will get a listening ear that doesn’t know the details about the situation, therefore you get non-biased advice and no matter what you won’t feel judged in any way. It’s like therapy minus the payment.
5. Don’t blame yourself
No matter what brought the relationship to its end. No matter who did the worst damage; you should never blame just yourself. It is so easy to feel as if you could’ve done more, you could’ve changed this or that or as if now that they’re gone you can change everything that went wrong. This is just the inevitable guilt that the end of a relationship brings. Trust the fact that the end was already written. Trust that if it ended is because this wasn’t the person you were meant to be with and that if you are, it will happen when the time is right. Trust the fact that you are who you are, and although people should always constantly improve themselves, the right person will love you as you are in this moment. Blaming yourself only delays the healing process.
Everyone goes through breakups differently. Just trust me, as someone who has been on both ends of a breakup: It doesn’t matter what you do, when you do it or how you do it, all it takes is time to heal. Embrace the process and most importantly embrace change. You will see why it was all worth it.